Testimony

prayer..

prayer.. (Photo credit: aronki)

As you can see, I am on the net. Whoo- Hoo! Don’t have much time, so I have to share a poem based on my true story. It is written simply, no scholarly attempt to complicate the message I have for all. I Hope you all feel this in your hearts!

 

                                                                       TESTIMONY

Words spoken to my ears,

Bringing anger, sadness and torrential tears.

Anger burst, my heart, was now pierced,

A blow most shattering, cruel and fierce.

Blades and pills ran amuck in my mood,

The devil telling me my worth was no good.

Painful tugs in hearts and souls,

Hurtful words to break my goal.

I prayed, my Lord, To forgive my urge,

I prayed to Jesus, to help me purge.

Lonely, unwanted, the darkest of time,

The Devil still clinging so hard to my mind.

A knock at the door, I welcomed in desperation,

A kind Christian heart to explain my salvation.

The Lord had spoken, for him to come to me,

My God heard my prayers, thus lifting me.

The Devil was gone, he had lost his fight,

My Savior made known his presence that night.

Surrounding my heart, came the calm, so deep,

The Lord had granted me unburdened  sleep.

 

Heart

Hearts are very vulnerable in such a tough world. I would like to share a Pearl Jam song with lyrics. What I like to call Music poetry! This song is called Elderly Woman Behind the Counter. The words are absolutely amazing! I hope you take the time to listen to this very Poetic Song! Please Enjoy!


Progress

Since weaning off some powerful medications, my painhas returned with a vengeance. I can’t even spell right now. Used to be one of my best subjects, again, used to be. I’ve been having bad nights and days filled with more than overwhelming pain. I refuse to take the narcotics I was prescribed, I weaned myself off of them.

Regions of the cerebral cortex associated with...

Regions of the cerebral cortex associated with pain. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I suffer from severe Fibromyalgia and Chronic pain syndrome. I could go through a whole list of my ailments, however, these two are the ones that keep me down. I am going to seek a new doctor to delve further into my pain. I hate seeing the commercials for Lyrica, which I take, but the people in the commercial must have a mild case? I don’t know. I take the allowed dosage of Lyrica, and still am suffering from unmanageable pain.

You might be wondering why I chose to wean off the narcotics. Firstly, they helped, and then I would need a higher dosage. Secondly, I have Chronic Kidney disease, and even taking Ibuprofen is bad for the kidneys. Also I am insulin dependent Diabetic II. My blood sugars are completely under control. A plus for the kidneys. Many people become addicted to pain killers, and end up hurting their bodies. No thanks. That’s why I chose to quit them. I’m afraid to quit the Lyrica, because my pain is already too much, I can’t imagine it getting even worse!

All my life I worked my body to the bone. No pain no gain. Then my syndrome hit me like a ton of bricks! When this happened, I hadn’t any medical insurance, so I was just kind of swept under the rugs by doctors because I couldn’t afford extensive services.

Having medical insurance later, I was diagnosed. I was so sick of seeing this specialist and that specialist. It took most of my time to complete the doctors requests, whilst still suffering in pain. I had two broken ribs, not cracked, but broke and separated. I suffered until one kind emergency room doctor did not care that I hadn’t any insurance, and ordered an MRI. That is how it came to light that for eight months I continued working in horrible pain, to find out my ribs were broken. I had to resign from my job as a nursing assistant because I became a liability at work.

All vacation time I earned at work was used up, not to enjoy myself, but to try to nurse myself back to health. My husband lost his job due to me not wanting to be left alone. I was having panic attacks, and was so afraid I was going to die. We went from middle class to the poverty level in no time. I couldn’t even tolerate a minimum wage job as a cashier, too much pain and sickness. That’s when I sought out an attorney and filed for disability, and was granted that small budget. I’m not complaining, but budgeting the money has to be very precise to live on.

I feel as if I am back to square one now. Dealing with this brings on my depression. That too I have dealt with all my life. My daughter gave birth to my grandchild on Easter, and here I am, stuck with pain in bed. I even hesitate to make a doctor’s appointment, for the thought of actually having to tolerate the pain of the trip and the wait in the office. I’m just so sick of it.

I also will not have a cortisone shot in my spinal fluid! I had a spinal tap with my first child, and an epidural with my second, and often wonder if that’s one reason my back aches in certain places. With both children, I had complications. The first from the spinal tap, the second was an emergency c-section, where they left a sponge in me. As a result, I am unable to bear children anymore. I wasn’t planning on having more, but still, it hurts when it’s taken away from you.

I could go on and on, but I wanted to let my followers know what is up with me! My parents are ready to move to my state, just so they may care for me! Yes, I want my Mommy! She’d take control of these doctors and probably wring their necks! So if you are not seeing me here as much, it is because I am ill. I love you all! You’ve been so inspirational and funny and fun! I will be back, just not as frequently right now.

Just Because..A note to my roommates

Unwashed dishes in a sink; an authentic situation.

Unwashed dishes in a sink; an authentic situation. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Roommates, too funny, this a note to my youngest daughter and husband, my roommates. Here goes:

  • Just because I do ALL the dishes, does not grant you the right to dirty them up as quickly as possible.
  • Just because I sweep and mop the kitchen floor, does not give you the right to spill or drip food on my floor, and just walk away.
  • Just because I clean the bathroom, does not give you the right to leave dirty make-up cotton swabs or whiskers in the sink from shaving.

I just wanted to share this with my slightly sloppy roommates, in hopes that by putting in writing, you can’t say ‘I forgot’! Though I do much adore my daughter and husband, putting this in writing, makes it official.

Signed : Your loving mother and wife.

Gallery

Beautiful Blogger Award Nominees!

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Beautiful Blogger Award Nominees by:1stjoeyanna at backwards 222 http://www.supersoniceuphony.wordpress.com/ http://www.fivereflections.wordpress.com/ http://bridgesburning.wordpress.com/ http://lynneayersbeyondthebrush.wordpress.com/ http://littlefallofrain.wordpress.com/ http://bbchanel2288.wordpress.com/ http://nanapamela.wordpress.com/ http://www.terry1954.wordpress.com/ You all are beautiful bloggers! And once again, I’d like to thank Dawn Pisturino at http://www.dawnpisturino.wordpress.com/

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Friends

This is for all my beautiful, kind friends out in this world! This is an amazing song(poetry)and an amazing video. Please watch and listen to the beautiful words sung by the Red Hot Chili Peppers : My Friends……….

 

My Music Poetry

I just love the Foo-Fighters! So I’ve probably posted this video before, but now my friends, its encore!

Foo-Fighters : The Pretender

Come With Me!

I’m feeling this song and video, today. I like to call this music poetry! Here is the Red Hot Chili Peppers in The Zephyr Song. Come with me, and have a look!

I Know

I know I have posted this music video before, but it has a lot of hidden meaning in it. I think of people being the perfect drug! So please enjoy again….NIN : The Perfect Drug

Drive Angry Music Video By Everlast

Everlast at the Eurockéennes 2011

Everlast at the Eurockéennes 2011 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ah yes!! Welcome back Everlast! ‘Stone in my Hand’ is a Freaking great song!!! Enjoy the Video!

Some Music For My Ears

Some music for my ears and maybe yours. Some Korn! This version of ‘Alone I Break‘ is live, and a much more mellow version of the official video. Either way, I love It! I hope you will enjoy!

For My Dearest Danielle

Tiny hands and tiny toes,

Blue or Pink, we do not know,

My baby, my daughter, who’s all grown,

A marriage with husband, a life her own,

Her magical laughter and glowing face,

Are my precious visions, I won’t replace,

Her tummy grows some, every day,

Seeing her with child, lights my way,

My Son-In-Law, who I hold dear,

Cherishes my daughter with loving care,

I’m happy beyond words, I cannot say,

Soon will be my grandchild to light my day,

My daughter’s marriage with a love so dear,

Will bring to our hearts, a baby held near.

Alone : a poem unveiled

Fading feelings come back to haunt me,

New feelings of sadness arise,

I want to change to the person I could be,

My mind, as it whispers, holds my demise,

Taking control of unwanted Demons,

Screaming at them to all go away,

Alone in the waves is a lonely sea-man,

Lost in destruction of powerful waves,

As a tear rolls down my old wise cheek,

It’s the power of solace that I do seek,

Clouded by hurdles down my winding path,

I stumble on most, afraid to look back,

The next hurdle’s here and I’m tired and weak,

It’s hard to snap out of the thoughts that are bleak,

So alone I sit without friends or comfort,

Alone I sit with my Demons of fate,

Alone I sit, lonely and hurt,

My heart is breaking to pieces of hate,

A child awaits my promising wisdom,

I sit and wonder what to possibly say,

An innocent young heart looking for freedom,

I must keep my Demons so far, far away.

I’m Feeling Pink

I’ve been in such positive spirits! I’m feeling very Pink! So for you pleasure, Here is Aerosmith : Pink. And it is my favorite color!

 

Too Funny! (mature content)

I was just watching the trailer for Andy Samberg  and Adam Sandlers movie! I have to see this, It looks hilarious. There is Mature content in this video, so please, If you are easily offended or under 18, you may not watch! For those of you who find this humorous, I’m glad you enjoyed as much as I did! :)

 

Trouble

I have been having much trouble trying to keep up with blogs and posting. My site here keeps giving me problems. I am not very computer literate, and learn by trial and error. This obviously makes for very frustrated moments. All very time consuming, winding up leaving me worse than before. Then I just shut down the computer, at a loss of what to do next.

I claim to be backwards, because I am. In case anyone has been wondering. I even have a hard time clicking the like button on another bloggers page. Don’t think I am not reading, I do, but my account will not let me complete the tasks I want. Hopefully, I will get this fixed!

No Use Crying Over Spilled Milk

Crying emoticon

Crying emoticon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Yesterday was too busy of a day. I spoke my mind, not so kindly, and received a barrage of complaints from some bloggers. I went out of my way, to profusely apologize, to no avail of the person I targeted. This person had re-blogged a post, that I completely disagreed with. Next the original poster had to come to his defense. After much time posting and apologizing, the re-blogger had nothing to say. Instead, I had to converse through his adviser, the original blogger.

I believe in the freedom of speech. This particular person kept saying he wasn’t the original writer to the post, that they only re-blogged. This got me thinking even more. If you re-blog something, it means you agree with it. Furthermore, I had to do the educational battle with the original poster. As pleasing as she made her resume seem, I still don’t agree with her theory, completely subjective, her own quote. I feel I bent over backwards for hurting someones feelings, and still no response.

I’m not going to agree with something I truly believe is quite wrong. I have much education in the medical field as well, and while being subjective, I find the information posted, is very misleading to those who suffer with fibromyalgia. Pain gets me down, not the other way around. I do not have flare-ups because I’m feeling down, I have flare-ups from over doing what my body can tolerate. If people want to believe the theory that psychosomatic issues bring on pain, then by all means go for it. I for one find it quite absurd. That’s my subjective opinion.

I will not again, go out of my way to kiss someones ass, because we disagree. It was a complete waste of my time. Find your inspiration where you may, but don’t be misleading on causes of fibromyalgia. If you want to re-blog a post, stand behind it, and don’t sig your Professionals(using that term loosely) to fight your battles. I may have disagreed by lashing out, but guess what? I disagreed. Let’s not cry over spilled milk.

I have gotten this off my chest. Life isn’t fair, and people agree to disagree. You could have walked away from the battle, but chose to continue it, as did I, by trying to be heartfelt and nice. In the end I still disagree with the blog post, and being nice led nowhere. Why you ask? Because I have the freedom and education on my syndrome to post what I believe. I am disappointed in myself for not debating on the issue to my satisfaction. Next time, I will debate. Sometimes you just have to stand up for what you believe in. I believe much differently from some other theories presented on the causes of fibromyalgia. It is a syndrome, that still is in debate, and has not been proved. Fibromyalgia has inconclusive evidence to suggest it is in the mind, and you can control it simply by being positive. This is a musculoskeletal disorder, a connective tissue disorder. So let’s just agree to disagree.

Wishlist

I’m on a pearl Jam kick right now, probably because, I think my daughter still has my CDs! This is another beautifully written song. Sit back and enjoy, it’s very peaceful! Good Night All!