you are my sun

Yesterday

Yes, it was a great day! It’s still today for me right now, but according to WordPress, it is tomorrow! I can see my future! HA-HA! I was actually active today! Cleaning a very messy kitchen! My husband leaves my stove and counters dirty and greasy! Thank you, honey! I still love you. Actually, it was good for me to finally get up and get moving!

I’m not even tired right now! Amazing! Probably because I finally got my adrenaline flowing. Good circulation. Tomorrow, or should I say today, for WordPress, it’s time to vacuum. Don’t even go there, Kyle! Although, your thoughts could be mighty interesting!

What can I say now…..I’m making great progress! Pain isn’t as bad with Lyrica. I don’t know whether to give that up, or not. Probably, but not just yet. I finally was able to get out of bed! I am so blessed to have so many supporters! I love you all, your writings, your comments and all the encouragement a person could ask for!

A special shout out to Sunshine! I love you, Girl! You’re my heart and soul, rolled into a great, bright, ball of, well of course SUNSHINE!

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Stage 3? My Progress

All I can say besides pain is lethargy! I am so lethargic, I don’t know how to get out of it. The muscle spasms don’t help much either, but I had those symptoms before starting narcotic pain medication.

My eldest daughter is getting ready to give birth any day now! I’m hoping this will make me just get up and go! This is such an important milestone in my life, that I just am grasping as hard as I can, to just be Nonna!

Mostly, besides the lethargy, my body aches so bad! This again before being diagnosed and given prescriptions. My legs and back are just filled with pain. There is no way I will get away with walking around the block without a wheelchair! Hell, I can’t even do a load of dishes without taking a break!

My youngest daughter has stepped up to the plate to help her mom out! I was so proud of her yesterday! I told her that it helps mom feel better, when she helps me. I know my eldest daughter has helped my younger one understand what Mom’s going through! Bless my children! My husband has also been a lot better. I just hope it stays that way.

So right now, I don’t know if I’m in a stage or if this is it now. I do know that my grandchild will be a huge part of my life, no matter how sick I feel. And also my teenager! This is such a fragile time in her life, she needs a mom that’s there for her.

Thank you to all who have supported me through this! Thank you for my internet friends keeping me sane. I love hearing from all of you, and love to see what your up to! When I’m not too lethargic! That’s bad, too lethargic to type a computer! HA-HA! Having my blog has done wonders for me, and without you all, it would mean nothing at all! So, again, Thank You All! Peace, Love & Rock and Roll!

My Progress : Stage 2

Okay, completely off pain pills, even Ibuprofen. I want to remind you I still take Lyrica,specifically made for for Fibromyalgia, and, non-narcotic. That may be one reason I weaned so incredibly fast. Now, stage 2 is here.Me, Myself and I

I’m extremely depressed, constant headache, muscle spasms, and loose stools. All loss of appetite, except my coffee. Extremely so, so drained and tired. Anger issues with the ones I live with, especially my husband. He is aware, and I’ve explained what I’m going through, might be magnifying my condition. However, I am making a big change in my life, your either with me, or face the consequences. I refuse to be suckered anymore.

This is absolutely crucial. My oldest, married daughter just lost her plug. It won’t be long before my grandchild is here. I refuse to not give in to a stale life at 44. I want to enjoy life. I still have huge back issues, so I know I will still need to bring my wheelchair on walks. I’m not going to look at the people outside, and wish I could do what they’re doing. No I’m going to be participating in. Maybe not as active, but my presence will be known.

This post may sound a little more angry than usual, but if I don’t get angry, I lose the control that is my own. Pain sucks, but I refuse to be a prisoner to pills. I’ve always been very tough, and that toughness is returning! It’s my Illinois toughness. Forget thisĀ  little hick town! Most people here have never even left the state ever.

Bear with me, I’ll become nicer in time. I just really need to be tough on myself, and my surroundings! God bless you all! My WordPress site is a big form of therapy for me. It let’s me vent, get that poison out of me. It’ll get better. I knew this wouldn’t happen overnight. I wonder what stage 3 will be.

Any one want to vent? Go ahead, leave a reply! I’ll let you vent here. It good to get it out!

My Progress 3

This is really good. I am so excited, because I used not one pain pill yesterday. I was really worried about the night time, because I was hurting really bad. But, I got through it, and was very happy. I do still take my Lyrica 3 times a day, but it is non-narcotic!

I’m still experiencing pain, but I’m just barely tolerating it with the Lyrica. I had a All my medsheadache today, and even refused to take ibuprofen. Ibuprofen does a number on my kidneys, and as stated in earlier posts, I have chronic kidney disease. I’m also experiencing feeling like I’m coming down with a bad cold. Nothing to mask the symptoms anymore. And now, I will walk around feeling as if I’m coming down with the flu. I’m not, but besides the pain, I always feel sick. Lastly, I am so tired. I’ve been getting normal hours of sleep, and am glad that I wake up earlier than noon!

My family, here at home, just does not identify with what I’m going through. It hurts my feelings really bad. I have this amazing goal, but I don’t think they understand that I’m still adjusting. I’m too young to become an addict. Pain pills for many, lead to abuse and dependence. Then they are faced with having to go through methadone treatment. No, not me. Not gonna happen. However, Even though I followed my prescribed treatment, I will am and having withdrawl symptoms. That is why I have not stopped taking my Lyrica yet. My family at HOME doesn’t understand. Hopefully, they will notice changes that are happening, and not going away! If they don’t adjust themselves, I just don’t know what to say to that. To end this, I pray and hope that tonight is as good as yesterday! Love you all!

Daily Medication

Another Day_ My Progress

Today was a pretty decent day. I’ve cut very,very much on how much pain prescription medicine. Like by at least 2/3’s. That’s a major jump, and I’m still sane, and not letting the pain win. Now of course at times I have to take my meds, I’ve just really lowered the dosage. I now take 1/3 of what I’m prescribed too. So far, so good. I’m really full of anxiety though.

I’m afraid that I will have a severe flare-up. I’ve been moving about and going out a lot more. I still cannot walk a far distance though. So much pain, that there’s no way to relieve it. Even on the full dose of meds, I can’t walk far, or stand too long. That kinda gets to me. I have a wheelchair that I can push along, till I can no longer take the pain. However, someone has to push me because my arms would barely last!

On a positive note, that has not happened. And, I hope and pray, everyday, that I can learn to manage with my pain and no pain meds. See, the problem with my pain killers, is they are ADDICTIVE! Many people, abuse their prescriptions, and gets a body used to that dose. They run out, before they can refill again, and out here, if they’re any bit suspicious about abuse, you are RED-Flagged everywhere. I know many people who have to turn to methadone clinics, because of their addiction.

I am a good patient. I follow the directions prescribed to me, and would be too paranoid not to. I have a lot of meds, I don’t want a deadly cocktail. I’m wondering if my Doctor will be surprised when I don’t refill those prescriptions on the due date. I’m sure she’ll call, and I’ll have to tell her I’m weaning of the pain pills, and doing things my way. Doctor’s take to long to wean you off SLOWLY…too slow for me. The fire department paramedics are 50 feet away from my building. If something happens, I could be dragged across the parking lot! A bit of humor! Hey, they can throw me in my wheelchair, and wheel me over! That would be quite the humorous story in my small town!

I need to keep up my spirits, attitude, positivity, strength, hope and faith. For real now, I’m a proud expecting Nonna! Any day now, my daughter and her husband, our whole family, is ready for our baby Anderson! I think it’s a girl *wink*! But, we have to wait and see. I’m hoping this weekend! So, what I am doing has a whole important purpose. I want to enjoy my life with my family. I’m gonna steal that baby, as much as I can!*Warning to my prego daughter and son-in-law. Oh, they live in the apartment upstairs from mine! How sweet and convenient is that?

That’s my progress so far, and I hope I can keep blogging my progress getting even better!Here is a video that makes me feel good! Foo Fighters: These Days

Starting Change

So, since I have ranted about being sick of taking pain pills, I’ve started weening myself off! YAY! Now, I’ve had people comment, ‘Don’t stop taking them, it’ll kill you’! My thoughts? I’m not taking one pain pill, till I can’t stand the pain. If that means I’ve cut them out almost 75%, than so be it. I figure that only God knows when it’s my time to go.

I have pain now, but just taking a pill is only putting a band-aid on. Actually, its more like ingesting poison. I want my life back dammit, I’m taking it back, and right now I’m keeping really strong!

I know when people comment about there worries of me not taking my medication, it is because they have a genuine concern. But, I’m like a Hippie. That is just nonsense to me. I know my body, and how it feels. I’m just stubborn that way. Say what you will, but I know what’s right for me.

So, on a positive note, I’m moving along, and no longer stuck in a stale-mate. I know there will be harder days than others, so I need to thrive on positivity! Even though I was so down last night, how ironic of me! But it is now yet another day!

My cat spilled water all over my cell phone, my bodies aching, yet, I’m still in a good mood. If I was on my meds, I don’t think I’d be in a good mood. Now that to me is some positivity.

God is listening to me and Jesus is keeping his compassion with me. I couldn’t be in a better place for this journey I’m on right now.