Testimony

prayer..

prayer.. (Photo credit: aronki)

As you can see, I am on the net. Whoo- Hoo! Don’t have much time, so I have to share a poem based on my true story. It is written simply, no scholarly attempt to complicate the message I have for all. I Hope you all feel this in your hearts!

 

                                                                       TESTIMONY

Words spoken to my ears,

Bringing anger, sadness and torrential tears.

Anger burst, my heart, was now pierced,

A blow most shattering, cruel and fierce.

Blades and pills ran amuck in my mood,

The devil telling me my worth was no good.

Painful tugs in hearts and souls,

Hurtful words to break my goal.

I prayed, my Lord, To forgive my urge,

I prayed to Jesus, to help me purge.

Lonely, unwanted, the darkest of time,

The Devil still clinging so hard to my mind.

A knock at the door, I welcomed in desperation,

A kind Christian heart to explain my salvation.

The Lord had spoken, for him to come to me,

My God heard my prayers, thus lifting me.

The Devil was gone, he had lost his fight,

My Savior made known his presence that night.

Surrounding my heart, came the calm, so deep,

The Lord had granted me unburdened  sleep.

 

Daily Medication

Another Day_ My Progress

Today was a pretty decent day. I’ve cut very,very much on how much pain prescription medicine. Like by at least 2/3’s. That’s a major jump, and I’m still sane, and not letting the pain win. Now of course at times I have to take my meds, I’ve just really lowered the dosage. I now take 1/3 of what I’m prescribed too. So far, so good. I’m really full of anxiety though.

I’m afraid that I will have a severe flare-up. I’ve been moving about and going out a lot more. I still cannot walk a far distance though. So much pain, that there’s no way to relieve it. Even on the full dose of meds, I can’t walk far, or stand too long. That kinda gets to me. I have a wheelchair that I can push along, till I can no longer take the pain. However, someone has to push me because my arms would barely last!

On a positive note, that has not happened. And, I hope and pray, everyday, that I can learn to manage with my pain and no pain meds. See, the problem with my pain killers, is they are ADDICTIVE! Many people, abuse their prescriptions, and gets a body used to that dose. They run out, before they can refill again, and out here, if they’re any bit suspicious about abuse, you are RED-Flagged everywhere. I know many people who have to turn to methadone clinics, because of their addiction.

I am a good patient. I follow the directions prescribed to me, and would be too paranoid not to. I have a lot of meds, I don’t want a deadly cocktail. I’m wondering if my Doctor will be surprised when I don’t refill those prescriptions on the due date. I’m sure she’ll call, and I’ll have to tell her I’m weaning of the pain pills, and doing things my way. Doctor’s take to long to wean you off SLOWLY…too slow for me. The fire department paramedics are 50 feet away from my building. If something happens, I could be dragged across the parking lot! A bit of humor! Hey, they can throw me in my wheelchair, and wheel me over! That would be quite the humorous story in my small town!

I need to keep up my spirits, attitude, positivity, strength, hope and faith. For real now, I’m a proud expecting Nonna! Any day now, my daughter and her husband, our whole family, is ready for our baby Anderson! I think it’s a girl *wink*! But, we have to wait and see. I’m hoping this weekend! So, what I am doing has a whole important purpose. I want to enjoy my life with my family. I’m gonna steal that baby, as much as I can!*Warning to my prego daughter and son-in-law. Oh, they live in the apartment upstairs from mine! How sweet and convenient is that?

That’s my progress so far, and I hope I can keep blogging my progress getting even better!Here is a video that makes me feel good! Foo Fighters: These Days

A Prayer To The Victims

I just wanted to take a little time out of my normal routine, to acknowledge the victims of these horrific storms that have taken place down South. I have set forth to you, a moment of silence and prayer. May God bless you, and watch over you, as you recover from your time of despair. May the communities come together in unity with one another, and rebuild shelter and a prosperous life, as the Lord guides you. Best of wishes to you all, you have not been forgotten. Bless the men and women of the Red Cross, paramedics, law enforcement, doctors, friends, neighbors, and even the stranger’s stepping up in the time of need. Amen.

Vows at Peace…..

So much angst and sorrow soaked in my soul.

Every tear that streamed was torrid desperation.

Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, no choice but to stay.

Discreet hurt perpetrated every day life.

Most times, the mask worn to camouflage the grief.

Undernourished from the truths I desired.

Solitary manifestation hidden by laughter and smiles.

Children confused by disguised dysfunction.

Silence of truth, false expectations, meandering.

Self distortion, deprivation, obscured induction.

God, faith, hope, cradled my heart.

Image by Dick Lowthian

Self identity proclaimed.

Pragmatic thoughts have learned precision.

Tiny seed of love, bloomed to magnificence.

Tears, miraculously turned into abundant smiles.

Turbulence eased, thoughts soft and compassionate.

God has saved us from stagnant feelings.

God has given us grace and hope.

We overcame and united.

Many years of unrest and yearning,

Cast out to the virulent hopes of Satan.

Finally we are virtuous and elated,

For the eminent path that lies ahead,

Oh, thank you Lord, for the majestic guidance.

JMD

Time of Sadness-My Poetry

At this moment, I feel sole despair,

a time of sadness

Thoughts I fell unable to repair,

I can’t fight those negatives bound to me,

All I want is to be free,

The tears stream down my tired face,

I need so much a happy place,

I’ve committed myself to lifelong vows,

It’s not time yet to take a bow,

In the meantime, I hide how I feel,

I have to be strong, they believe I’m steel,

I have to fight to keep my strength,

In the end there will be some thanks,

Not from others, but to myself,

For leaning on God and sharing his wealth.

 

My Empire

My empire started at the tender age of 19. I was one month into my nineteenth year of life, when I gave birth to my beautiful daughter, Danielle. I had just started my own empire, while still being part of a bigger empire. The empire I was a part of was an amazing one. Not always for myself, but definately to the little creature I had just given birth to.

The empire I was part of, had a firm structure already built, and had been established 28 years earlier. Thank goodness I was apart of this structured empire, because I had absolutely no clue on how to build a foundation for my own empire, so I was an apprentice to the empire I was already a part of.

A year, or so, went by, and I wanted to relocate myself and child. I was faced with some resistance, but my apprenticeship was allowed to sprout out to other areas. I always had that firm structure to lean on, as being the apprentice, I still needed the firm roots I relied on. 7 years went by and i was in and out of my empire I was created in, mostly in.

In that seventh year, I totally left my empire, and sprouted my apprenticeship in a new found area. During my 8th 1/2 year, I felt confident enough to start my own empire, and no longer be just an extension of the larger empire I came from. In hind-sight, I realize that I will always be a part of the original empire I came from. Just a statement that I need my readers to know I acknowledge.

At 27 years of age, I partnered with my Husband, and now, my empire was a joint adventure. I was no longer an apprentice, but I now had my own empire, and still belonged to an even greater empire. And, soon after my empire added another addition, and we named her Shannon. My beautiful Danielle, my little trooper, now was a part of two empires also. She welcomed our new addition, with the most open arms! Those arms of hers, still have not closed, bless her God-loving heart!

My empire, unlike my larger Foundation, was not so stable and structured, as I was used too. But, I had created my own empire, and it was my responsibility to build the structure and foundation to thrive on. My empire wasn’t thriving so well, but the empire I originated from, still provided as much structure as possible, to become as solid as it was. I was the President of my empire, but had no way to enforce the rules, that would make our empire thrive. What could I do. I tried leading with the iron-fist, but that just lead our empire to grow weaker. I would try to escape, but my responsibilities engulfed me, like a black hole. I couldn’t see the light in that hole, and was in the dark, running a disfunctional empire.

There were many circumstances that contributed to the problems that stood in the way of success. I had let many moles in. I did this out of the kindness of my heart. They either had no place to go, or needed a place to escape their own indiscrepancies. I let in way more than I could handle, and once again, simple rules were not being followed, no matter how I tried to manage them. During these times, it was in no terms that I was fragile, or even had a frgile mind. It just was, and I didn’t have the answers I oh, so craved. After much fighting, both emotional and physical, I got rid of all those moles not part of my empire. It drained me and soon gave me the reputation of being a cold hearted bitch. I had, had enough. I was done! I was broken hearted, and pissed at the people who had crossed me, after taking the last drops of hope from me.

I so needed to relocate my empire, and at this point, you might be thinking, why aren’t you saying our empire, considering your married. The reason for that is that my partner, or Vise President, was in his own world, or should I say, empire of one, or a sprouted empire from our own empire. Hope that wasn’t to confusing. Let me say this. He made good money, so was a great provider in that nature, and he truly loves his children. He also got us away from a place we no longer wanted to be. The only hard part of leaving, was leaving the roots and foundation of the original empire I had come from.

The move was excellent for the first 3 years. My empire was running smoothly, a couple snags along the way, but a far cry from what we left behind. I felt so independent. I was in another state, coming in as a stranger. I really took comfort in being an outsider. Although very hard for my 15 year old daughter, she eventually settled in. Shannon was so young, that Minnesota is what she knows. But Danielle, who earlier, I called my little trooper, was just that, a trooper, just not so little anymore, even though she knows she’ll always be my baby, along with Shannon.

Huge snag! One that still persists in my empire, even though I am slowly fixing MY EMPIRE. My beautiful daughter branched out and created her own empire. An apprentice to my empire, and extremely successful in running her own empire. My empire is actually more successful, because of her empire.

All in all, being part of an empire, requires working on it at all times. Making wise decisions, and always learning from your mistakes. We all are a part of our own Empires, and it’s always important to work on making them successful. If you’re unemployed, work a minimum wage job, or have all the money you could desire, it is always something you need to be aware of. Always something you need to put effort and thought into, so your empire can be successful to you! :)