No Use Crying Over Spilled Milk

Crying emoticon

Crying emoticon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Yesterday was too busy of a day. I spoke my mind, not so kindly, and received a barrage of complaints from some bloggers. I went out of my way, to profusely apologize, to no avail of the person I targeted. This person had re-blogged a post, that I completely disagreed with. Next the original poster had to come to his defense. After much time posting and apologizing, the re-blogger had nothing to say. Instead, I had to converse through his adviser, the original blogger.

I believe in the freedom of speech. This particular person kept saying he wasn’t the original writer to the post, that they only re-blogged. This got me thinking even more. If you re-blog something, it means you agree with it. Furthermore, I had to do the educational battle with the original poster. As pleasing as she made her resume seem, I still don’t agree with her theory, completely subjective, her own quote. I feel I bent over backwards for hurting someones feelings, and still no response.

I’m not going to agree with something I truly believe is quite wrong. I have much education in the medical field as well, and while being subjective, I find the information posted, is very misleading to those who suffer with fibromyalgia. Pain gets me down, not the other way around. I do not have flare-ups because I’m feeling down, I have flare-ups from over doing what my body can tolerate. If people want to believe the theory that psychosomatic issues bring on pain, then by all means go for it. I for one find it quite absurd. That’s my subjective opinion.

I will not again, go out of my way to kiss someones ass, because we disagree. It was a complete waste of my time. Find your inspiration where you may, but don’t be misleading on causes of fibromyalgia. If you want to re-blog a post, stand behind it, and don’t sig your Professionals(using that term loosely) to fight your battles. I may have disagreed by lashing out, but guess what? I disagreed. Let’s not cry over spilled milk.

I have gotten this off my chest. Life isn’t fair, and people agree to disagree. You could have walked away from the battle, but chose to continue it, as did I, by trying to be heartfelt and nice. In the end I still disagree with the blog post, and being nice led nowhere. Why you ask? Because I have the freedom and education on my syndrome to post what I believe. I am disappointed in myself for not debating on the issue to my satisfaction. Next time, I will debate. Sometimes you just have to stand up for what you believe in. I believe much differently from some other theories presented on the causes of fibromyalgia. It is a syndrome, that still is in debate, and has not been proved. Fibromyalgia has inconclusive evidence to suggest it is in the mind, and you can control it simply by being positive. This is a musculoskeletal disorder, a connective tissue disorder. So let’s just agree to disagree.

Progress

Since weaning off some powerful medications, my painhas returned with a vengeance. I can’t even spell right now. Used to be one of my best subjects, again, used to be. I’ve been having bad nights and days filled with more than overwhelming pain. I refuse to take the narcotics I was prescribed, I weaned myself off of them.

Regions of the cerebral cortex associated with...

Regions of the cerebral cortex associated with pain. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I suffer from severe Fibromyalgia and Chronic pain syndrome. I could go through a whole list of my ailments, however, these two are the ones that keep me down. I am going to seek a new doctor to delve further into my pain. I hate seeing the commercials for Lyrica, which I take, but the people in the commercial must have a mild case? I don’t know. I take the allowed dosage of Lyrica, and still am suffering from unmanageable pain.

You might be wondering why I chose to wean off the narcotics. Firstly, they helped, and then I would need a higher dosage. Secondly, I have Chronic Kidney disease, and even taking Ibuprofen is bad for the kidneys. Also I am insulin dependent Diabetic II. My blood sugars are completely under control. A plus for the kidneys. Many people become addicted to pain killers, and end up hurting their bodies. No thanks. That’s why I chose to quit them. I’m afraid to quit the Lyrica, because my pain is already too much, I can’t imagine it getting even worse!

All my life I worked my body to the bone. No pain no gain. Then my syndrome hit me like a ton of bricks! When this happened, I hadn’t any medical insurance, so I was just kind of swept under the rugs by doctors because I couldn’t afford extensive services.

Having medical insurance later, I was diagnosed. I was so sick of seeing this specialist and that specialist. It took most of my time to complete the doctors requests, whilst still suffering in pain. I had two broken ribs, not cracked, but broke and separated. I suffered until one kind emergency room doctor did not care that I hadn’t any insurance, and ordered an MRI. That is how it came to light that for eight months I continued working in horrible pain, to find out my ribs were broken. I had to resign from my job as a nursing assistant because I became a liability at work.

All vacation time I earned at work was used up, not to enjoy myself, but to try to nurse myself back to health. My husband lost his job due to me not wanting to be left alone. I was having panic attacks, and was so afraid I was going to die. We went from middle class to the poverty level in no time. I couldn’t even tolerate a minimum wage job as a cashier, too much pain and sickness. That’s when I sought out an attorney and filed for disability, and was granted that small budget. I’m not complaining, but budgeting the money has to be very precise to live on.

I feel as if I am back to square one now. Dealing with this brings on my depression. That too I have dealt with all my life. My daughter gave birth to my grandchild on Easter, and here I am, stuck with pain in bed. I even hesitate to make a doctor’s appointment, for the thought of actually having to tolerate the pain of the trip and the wait in the office. I’m just so sick of it.

I also will not have a cortisone shot in my spinal fluid! I had a spinal tap with my first child, and an epidural with my second, and often wonder if that’s one reason my back aches in certain places. With both children, I had complications. The first from the spinal tap, the second was an emergency c-section, where they left a sponge in me. As a result, I am unable to bear children anymore. I wasn’t planning on having more, but still, it hurts when it’s taken away from you.

I could go on and on, but I wanted to let my followers know what is up with me! My parents are ready to move to my state, just so they may care for me! Yes, I want my Mommy! She’d take control of these doctors and probably wring their necks! So if you are not seeing me here as much, it is because I am ill. I love you all! You’ve been so inspirational and funny and fun! I will be back, just not as frequently right now.

Too Much

I just wanted you all to know, that I will be taking a break from the net. I’ve been experiencing the most horrible pain. I think it’s time to find a new doctor, who can truly figure out what is going on. If this is just Chronic Pain Syndrome, and Severe Fibromyalgia, then I will accept that. For some strange reason I feel there is more to the pain I am experiencing. I refuse to take the meds. My kidneys will not keep handling them well.

I don’t want all you wonderful people to wonder what happened to me. I can’t keep staying up till all hours of the night, unable to sleep, because the pain is so severe.

I promise to be back, but I have to re-group myself at this time. Much love to you all!

 

Should I or Shouldn’t I ?

My fight with fibromyalgia, will always be there. I have finally accepted that. My case is severe, at times leaving me nearly bed-ridden. I stopped taking the narcotics prescribed to me. I still suffered just as much with the medication. So, why take it?

« il faut continuer, je ne peux pas continuer,...

« il faut continuer, je ne peux pas continuer, je vais continuer » (Photo credit: ckaiserca)

I do take Lyrica, 3 times a day. 300 milligrams total. I do believe that is the highest dosage you can take. I still suffer with pain, but I fight it as much as possible.

My question is, should I start weaning myself off the lyrica too?

I’m a bit afraid to. I’m afraid of even more pain onset. Maybe too much pain. Any suggestions on what I should do?

Sleeping Beauty

Once upon a time, I was a sleeping beauty. Sleep consumed me. There was never a time I had felt refreshed, or awake. Those who know me, know how important my pillows and blankets were. Five pillows to be exact. Two flat pillows for basic positioning, one fantastic pillow laid horizontally, for where I rest my head and chest. Yet another small pillow, to support my ribs. Finally the last pillow, a long feather down pillow, for between my legs. My legs constantly hurt. Yes, I have no pillows to spare you. I know I have five, but I need them, can’t sleep without them. My husband would say that I created quite a barricade!

pillows piled in the corner of a bed

pillows piled in the corner of a bed (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Most who have been following me, know that I stopped taking Morphine, and oxycotin for my pain. Just bad stuff, and I have Chronic Kidney Disease, so of course the medications were horrible for my kidneys. I sneak ibuprofen once in a great while, but sadly, that too is bad for my kidneys. So I just tolerate the pain. Pain did not go away with these medications, but they obviously made me extremely tired. I still take Lyrica. It is a non-narcotic medication, specifically targeted for those with Fibromyalgia. I’m afraid to stop taking that, although I will, eventually. I’m afraid of the pain if I stopped taking that also.

Today, I am no longer a sleeping beauty. It’s not fun though. My body seems constantly pumping with adrenaline, the pain limits my activity, so I lie awake in pain, and as if I had just consumed a pot of coffee. I’m not complaining of the pain of course, I’m complaining of the lack to recuperate from a flare-up.

I finally received a decent nap today! Much needed rest! I’m hoping that tonight also, I will receive a good rest. Without the sleep, my flare-ups don’t seem to get better. I have to admit though, that this energy surge is way better than sleeping all the time! I have to find a peaceful, middle ground.

So here’s to health and trying to be healthy. Everyone has obstacles, mine is pain. Oh, and lack of sleep. I have sleeping pills, but I won’t take them! Not good for you! No more sleeping beauty, she has finally been awakened and ready to continue her journey!

Fibro Fog

ibuprofen

ibuprofen (Photo credit: cncphotos)

A mist clouds my brain.

I rub my eyes

I’m feeling the pain.

My body is aching.

I notice this

Again it is breaking.

Limbs are taking me over.

A flare-up again

I am the Queen Pain loather.

I gave in to Ibuprofen.

Destroy kidneys some more

It happens way too often.

Keep rubbing out the pain.

I do that a lot

Feels good but is back again.

Fibromyalgia! It sucks to know you.

Just keeps on abusing me

You’re brutal! It makes me blue.

My Progress : Stage 2

Okay, completely off pain pills, even Ibuprofen. I want to remind you I still take Lyrica,specifically made for for Fibromyalgia, and, non-narcotic. That may be one reason I weaned so incredibly fast. Now, stage 2 is here.Me, Myself and I

I’m extremely depressed, constant headache, muscle spasms, and loose stools. All loss of appetite, except my coffee. Extremely so, so drained and tired. Anger issues with the ones I live with, especially my husband. He is aware, and I’ve explained what I’m going through, might be magnifying my condition. However, I am making a big change in my life, your either with me, or face the consequences. I refuse to be suckered anymore.

This is absolutely crucial. My oldest, married daughter just lost her plug. It won’t be long before my grandchild is here. I refuse to not give in to a stale life at 44. I want to enjoy life. I still have huge back issues, so I know I will still need to bring my wheelchair on walks. I’m not going to look at the people outside, and wish I could do what they’re doing. No I’m going to be participating in. Maybe not as active, but my presence will be known.

This post may sound a little more angry than usual, but if I don’t get angry, I lose the control that is my own. Pain sucks, but I refuse to be a prisoner to pills. I’ve always been very tough, and that toughness is returning! It’s my Illinois toughness. Forget this  little hick town! Most people here have never even left the state ever.

Bear with me, I’ll become nicer in time. I just really need to be tough on myself, and my surroundings! God bless you all! My WordPress site is a big form of therapy for me. It let’s me vent, get that poison out of me. It’ll get better. I knew this wouldn’t happen overnight. I wonder what stage 3 will be.

Any one want to vent? Go ahead, leave a reply! I’ll let you vent here. It good to get it out!

Sick and Tired

Where is this sickness coming from?

It makes me sad and takes away all my fun!

I want to run with the wind and sun on my face,

I want to get out of cars with much more grace!

Way to many pills, it’s just like a poison veil,

My organs inside attacked, will slowly rot and fail!

What I have to say, some will disagree.I'm Sick

Give me some pot and take my pills, and set my body free!

Let me have this break Minnesota, before i exscape to Montana,

It’s silly to think I may take worse drugs, for what? There is no nirvana!

A person I know has also said, the pills I take will kill me dead.

There is no doubt I want to be free, and will not fail,

But I’m afraid my minds decision could land me in jail.

So what do I do? I have too much pain, to do without one or the other.

If I choose what I want, someone could blow my cover.

So I sit here, slowly poisoning my body with pills that make politicians money.Medicinal Help

Let me have my rights and free will,

And dammit politicians PASS THAT BILL!