Fibro Fog

ibuprofen

ibuprofen (Photo credit: cncphotos)

A mist clouds my brain.

I rub my eyes

I’m feeling the pain.

My body is aching.

I notice this

Again it is breaking.

Limbs are taking me over.

A flare-up again

I am the Queen Pain loather.

I gave in to Ibuprofen.

Destroy kidneys some more

It happens way too often.

Keep rubbing out the pain.

I do that a lot

Feels good but is back again.

Fibromyalgia! It sucks to know you.

Just keeps on abusing me

You’re brutal! It makes me blue.

you are my sun

Yesterday

Yes, it was a great day! It’s still today for me right now, but according to WordPress, it is tomorrow! I can see my future! HA-HA! I was actually active today! Cleaning a very messy kitchen! My husband leaves my stove and counters dirty and greasy! Thank you, honey! I still love you. Actually, it was good for me to finally get up and get moving!

I’m not even tired right now! Amazing! Probably because I finally got my adrenaline flowing. Good circulation. Tomorrow, or should I say today, for WordPress, it’s time to vacuum. Don’t even go there, Kyle! Although, your thoughts could be mighty interesting!

What can I say now…..I’m making great progress! Pain isn’t as bad with Lyrica. I don’t know whether to give that up, or not. Probably, but not just yet. I finally was able to get out of bed! I am so blessed to have so many supporters! I love you all, your writings, your comments and all the encouragement a person could ask for!

A special shout out to Sunshine! I love you, Girl! You’re my heart and soul, rolled into a great, bright, ball of, well of course SUNSHINE!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Stage 3? My Progress

All I can say besides pain is lethargy! I am so lethargic, I don’t know how to get out of it. The muscle spasms don’t help much either, but I had those symptoms before starting narcotic pain medication.

My eldest daughter is getting ready to give birth any day now! I’m hoping this will make me just get up and go! This is such an important milestone in my life, that I just am grasping as hard as I can, to just be Nonna!

Mostly, besides the lethargy, my body aches so bad! This again before being diagnosed and given prescriptions. My legs and back are just filled with pain. There is no way I will get away with walking around the block without a wheelchair! Hell, I can’t even do a load of dishes without taking a break!

My youngest daughter has stepped up to the plate to help her mom out! I was so proud of her yesterday! I told her that it helps mom feel better, when she helps me. I know my eldest daughter has helped my younger one understand what Mom’s going through! Bless my children! My husband has also been a lot better. I just hope it stays that way.

So right now, I don’t know if I’m in a stage or if this is it now. I do know that my grandchild will be a huge part of my life, no matter how sick I feel. And also my teenager! This is such a fragile time in her life, she needs a mom that’s there for her.

Thank you to all who have supported me through this! Thank you for my internet friends keeping me sane. I love hearing from all of you, and love to see what your up to! When I’m not too lethargic! That’s bad, too lethargic to type a computer! HA-HA! Having my blog has done wonders for me, and without you all, it would mean nothing at all! So, again, Thank You All! Peace, Love & Rock and Roll!

Me

My Progress : Stage 2…2

Me

Of course, everything in life doesn’t work so perfectly. I accept that. I still have not taken any meds, but last night the restless leg syndrome decided to kick in! I can deal with the headache(constant), Loss of appetite, even though I’m diabetic, and really have to make sure my blood sugars don’t drop too low. I am on an insulin pump. Back pain, muscle spasms, loose stools, and irritation. But help me God, when the restless leg syndrome kicks in.

I’ve been so tired, and I have been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I was ready for bed at 10 p.m. and laid in bed till 2 a.m, while my cats decided this was the best time to play on my bed, knock things over, walk on me, fight over who gets to sit in the window above my bed, by my head. So I wrangled myself to the kitchen.

My pick was a slice of cheddar, a couple crackers, a whole can of large, ripe, pitted black olives, and a scoop of peanut butter. Food is a little scarce right now. But, it was delicious! Hey, I had an appetite. Always sleep better on a full stomach, right?

So, back to try to sleep.It was a long night, but eventually fell asleep. My head kept running with the Foo Fighters song Breakout! I looked up at my picture of Jesus, on my wall right next to my bed. I prayed to please help me clear my mind, and take the burdens off my mind. I did the Holy Trinity, kissed my fingertips, and reached up to touch my picture. I fell asleep, no Ibuprofen! Thank you Lord!

The only think that does upset me, is that I haven’t been awake for Shannon, before school. Between her older sister and I, we have been explaining what is happening with me. Why am I so crabby about the mess, ect….

My Progress : Stage 2

Okay, completely off pain pills, even Ibuprofen. I want to remind you I still take Lyrica,specifically made for for Fibromyalgia, and, non-narcotic. That may be one reason I weaned so incredibly fast. Now, stage 2 is here.Me, Myself and I

I’m extremely depressed, constant headache, muscle spasms, and loose stools. All loss of appetite, except my coffee. Extremely so, so drained and tired. Anger issues with the ones I live with, especially my husband. He is aware, and I’ve explained what I’m going through, might be magnifying my condition. However, I am making a big change in my life, your either with me, or face the consequences. I refuse to be suckered anymore.

This is absolutely crucial. My oldest, married daughter just lost her plug. It won’t be long before my grandchild is here. I refuse to not give in to a stale life at 44. I want to enjoy life. I still have huge back issues, so I know I will still need to bring my wheelchair on walks. I’m not going to look at the people outside, and wish I could do what they’re doing. No I’m going to be participating in. Maybe not as active, but my presence will be known.

This post may sound a little more angry than usual, but if I don’t get angry, I lose the control that is my own. Pain sucks, but I refuse to be a prisoner to pills. I’ve always been very tough, and that toughness is returning! It’s my Illinois toughness. Forget this¬† little hick town! Most people here have never even left the state ever.

Bear with me, I’ll become nicer in time. I just really need to be tough on myself, and my surroundings! God bless you all! My WordPress site is a big form of therapy for me. It let’s me vent, get that poison out of me. It’ll get better. I knew this wouldn’t happen overnight. I wonder what stage 3 will be.

Any one want to vent? Go ahead, leave a reply! I’ll let you vent here. It good to get it out!

My Progress 3

This is really good. I am so excited, because I used not one pain pill yesterday. I was really worried about the night time, because I was hurting really bad. But, I got through it, and was very happy. I do still take my Lyrica 3 times a day, but it is non-narcotic!

I’m still experiencing pain, but I’m just barely tolerating it with the Lyrica. I had a All my medsheadache today, and even refused to take ibuprofen. Ibuprofen does a number on my kidneys, and as stated in earlier posts, I have chronic kidney disease. I’m also experiencing feeling like I’m coming down with a bad cold. Nothing to mask the symptoms anymore. And now, I will walk around feeling as if I’m coming down with the flu. I’m not, but besides the pain, I always feel sick. Lastly, I am so tired. I’ve been getting normal hours of sleep, and am glad that I wake up earlier than noon!

My family, here at home, just does not identify with what I’m going through. It hurts my feelings really bad. I have this amazing goal, but I don’t think they understand that I’m still adjusting. I’m too young to become an addict. Pain pills for many, lead to abuse and dependence. Then they are faced with having to go through methadone treatment. No, not me. Not gonna happen. However, Even though I followed my prescribed treatment, I will am and having withdrawl symptoms. That is why I have not stopped taking my Lyrica yet. My family at HOME doesn’t understand. Hopefully, they will notice changes that are happening, and not going away! If they don’t adjust themselves, I just don’t know what to say to that. To end this, I pray and hope that tonight is as good as yesterday! Love you all!

My Progress 2

Great morning, and afternoon! Last night I had to take 1 pill at 3am. The Pain in my legs was too great to be able to sleep with. Not bad. Out of 5 pills daily, I’m down to one. I’m still taking my Lyrica. I’m sure that is a huge help. But I woke up great, and at 9am, not noon!!! I always hated sleeping so late. 9 is good for me. The only real frustration I’ve had today is my laptop! Nothing ever works right for me, and it’s such a waste of time then!

So today I had visitors, with donuts! Yum! I put mine to the side. I really eat during the day. My coffee is my life source, and it keeps me full, not to mention, more awake! Going without coffee for a whole 2 weeks was my torture! No coffee, and pain! Not a good situation for me!

Today, I finally had my musical Saturday! It’s been many,many months since I’ve listened to my CD‘s! Started with Foo Fighters :¬† Greatest Hits! LOVE! Then it was NIN : With Teeth, next NIN : Pretty Hate Machine. One of My favorite CD from NIN! Happiness! Embracing my music let’s my emotions flow ! It feels so good! It is a great therapy for me! I’m just in such a good mood, with pain, but I have my coffee, music and laptop! What more could I need?

With Teeth by Nine Inch Nails (2005)

With Teeth by Nine Inch Nails (2005) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I hope the rest of the day will go as well. And, to clarify, I do suffer with the pain, and tasks are extremely painful, but at least I’m not taking a narcotic for relief. I have been taking Ibuprofen, but because I have Chronic Kidney Disease, I’ll really have to give that up too! Very hard on the kidneys! I am really happy about my self-control, and progress. I know my doctor wouldn’t have allowed me to go about weaning myself of these narcotics. Doc would have been so much slower. As far as I’m concerned, I know my body better than any body! Even my sweet Doctor. My husband has seen the inside of my body during an emergency C-Section! And when I crushed my hand in an envelope machine! I see blood dripping on the floor, and never looked at my hand because I knew I would panic. So he seen the bones in my right hand, and fingers split open!

My husband thinks he knows my body better than me, because of all the surgeries and illnesses I had! He’s so good though. After my hand injury, while waiting for paramedics, everyone got a look at my hand. My husband told me not to look. He knew I would freak out. I didn’t look at my hand until after the second or third surgery. It’s still crippled. I had the best hand Doctor in the U.S. at The University of Chicago. Because it was a crushing injury, they healed it pretty good, but they could only go so far. Then it was physical therapy.

I am going to finally conclude this blog, I don’t want to bore you too much! I send good wishes and health to you all! Find at least one thing to appreciate about your day! Today is listening to music! Saturday television sucks! Peace and Love, All!