Fibro Fog

ibuprofen

ibuprofen (Photo credit: cncphotos)

A mist clouds my brain.

I rub my eyes

I’m feeling the pain.

My body is aching.

I notice this

Again it is breaking.

Limbs are taking me over.

A flare-up again

I am the Queen Pain loather.

I gave in to Ibuprofen.

Destroy kidneys some more

It happens way too often.

Keep rubbing out the pain.

I do that a lot

Feels good but is back again.

Fibromyalgia! It sucks to know you.

Just keeps on abusing me

You’re brutal! It makes me blue.

Daily Medication

Another Day_ My Progress

Today was a pretty decent day. I’ve cut very,very much on how much pain prescription medicine. Like by at least 2/3′s. That’s a major jump, and I’m still sane, and not letting the pain win. Now of course at times I have to take my meds, I’ve just really lowered the dosage. I now take 1/3 of what I’m prescribed too. So far, so good. I’m really full of anxiety though.

I’m afraid that I will have a severe flare-up. I’ve been moving about and going out a lot more. I still cannot walk a far distance though. So much pain, that there’s no way to relieve it. Even on the full dose of meds, I can’t walk far, or stand too long. That kinda gets to me. I have a wheelchair that I can push along, till I can no longer take the pain. However, someone has to push me because my arms would barely last!

On a positive note, that has not happened. And, I hope and pray, everyday, that I can learn to manage with my pain and no pain meds. See, the problem with my pain killers, is they are ADDICTIVE! Many people, abuse their prescriptions, and gets a body used to that dose. They run out, before they can refill again, and out here, if they’re any bit suspicious about abuse, you are RED-Flagged everywhere. I know many people who have to turn to methadone clinics, because of their addiction.

I am a good patient. I follow the directions prescribed to me, and would be too paranoid not to. I have a lot of meds, I don’t want a deadly cocktail. I’m wondering if my Doctor will be surprised when I don’t refill those prescriptions on the due date. I’m sure she’ll call, and I’ll have to tell her I’m weaning of the pain pills, and doing things my way. Doctor’s take to long to wean you off SLOWLY…too slow for me. The fire department paramedics are 50 feet away from my building. If something happens, I could be dragged across the parking lot! A bit of humor! Hey, they can throw me in my wheelchair, and wheel me over! That would be quite the humorous story in my small town!

I need to keep up my spirits, attitude, positivity, strength, hope and faith. For real now, I’m a proud expecting Nonna! Any day now, my daughter and her husband, our whole family, is ready for our baby Anderson! I think it’s a girl *wink*! But, we have to wait and see. I’m hoping this weekend! So, what I am doing has a whole important purpose. I want to enjoy my life with my family. I’m gonna steal that baby, as much as I can!*Warning to my prego daughter and son-in-law. Oh, they live in the apartment upstairs from mine! How sweet and convenient is that?

That’s my progress so far, and I hope I can keep blogging my progress getting even better!Here is a video that makes me feel good! Foo Fighters: These Days

Starting Change

So, since I have ranted about being sick of taking pain pills, I’ve started weening myself off! YAY! Now, I’ve had people comment, ‘Don’t stop taking them, it’ll kill you’! My thoughts? I’m not taking one pain pill, till I can’t stand the pain. If that means I’ve cut them out almost 75%, than so be it. I figure that only God knows when it’s my time to go.

I have pain now, but just taking a pill is only putting a band-aid on. Actually, its more like ingesting poison. I want my life back dammit, I’m taking it back, and right now I’m keeping really strong!

I know when people comment about there worries of me not taking my medication, it is because they have a genuine concern. But, I’m like a Hippie. That is just nonsense to me. I know my body, and how it feels. I’m just stubborn that way. Say what you will, but I know what’s right for me.

So, on a positive note, I’m moving along, and no longer stuck in a stale-mate. I know there will be harder days than others, so I need to thrive on positivity! Even though I was so down last night, how ironic of me! But it is now yet another day!

My cat spilled water all over my cell phone, my bodies aching, yet, I’m still in a good mood. If I was on my meds, I don’t think I’d be in a good mood. Now that to me is some positivity.

God is listening to me and Jesus is keeping his compassion with me. I couldn’t be in a better place for this journey I’m on right now.

Sick and Tired

Where is this sickness coming from?

It makes me sad and takes away all my fun!

I want to run with the wind and sun on my face,

I want to get out of cars with much more grace!

Way to many pills, it’s just like a poison veil,

My organs inside attacked, will slowly rot and fail!

What I have to say, some will disagree.I'm Sick

Give me some pot and take my pills, and set my body free!

Let me have this break Minnesota, before i exscape to Montana,

It’s silly to think I may take worse drugs, for what? There is no nirvana!

A person I know has also said, the pills I take will kill me dead.

There is no doubt I want to be free, and will not fail,

But I’m afraid my minds decision could land me in jail.

So what do I do? I have too much pain, to do without one or the other.

If I choose what I want, someone could blow my cover.

So I sit here, slowly poisoning my body with pills that make politicians money.Medicinal Help

Let me have my rights and free will,

And dammit politicians PASS THAT BILL!

I’ve Been Thinking

I’ve been thinking, don’t get scared yet, about the situation I’m in with chronic pain. I take so many pills, that the average person would be in a drug induced coma. I don’t like the fact that I have to rely on these pills, just to be able to bare with the pain I have. So far, prayer hasn’t worked, but I haven’t given up. I have Chronic Kidney Disease, also, so this medication isn’t the greatest on my system.      Image

So, this is what has been twirling around my head for quite some time now. Medication marijuana. I am not a stranger to marijuana, it was my drug of choice for many years. So, now the debate is up for my state, Minnesota. The law has not passed to legalize the drug for medical purposes.

I am also not a stranger to the pros and cons to marijuana. Back in college, for my philosophy class, my thesis was whether marijuana should be legalized. Of course lots of research went into my paper, back when computers were not an option. Many books checked out and lugged around. Maybe one reason for my back problems. Just a little humor, but you never know. There was so much evidence of the medicinal properties of marijuana, dating back to ancient times. I could not find bad news on such a wonderful medicine. I received an A+ on that paper, hope my teacher wasn’t smoking! A little more humor! My teacher was superb!

Not to long ago, I tried a little and it really helped. My position is, I can’t afford it, and it’s illegal. Hence, I do not use marijuana to relieve my pain and depression. If it was legalized, I would surrender all my pain pills, including morphine, for medicinal marijuana, no questions asked. Until then, I poison my body on a regular basis with prescriptions written to help me bare with the pain I’ve been struck with.

In some way, I feel the drug companies would not want this. Other drugs would not be needed, and that means losing money. However, the government could stand to make a hefty profit. One last note. Are you aware that most politicians hold the stock in pharmaceuticals? What are some of your thoughts. Please, nothing about the younger kids, they can get what they want when they want it. Just saying.