Good Day

I am happy to say, with a couple of days of resting, my flare-up has had mercy upon me. This is like a dog who chases their tale. I will be up and active, until the next flare-up begins, from activity. Days like today, I can enjoy! I have a lot to do though. Chores! Nothing to fun, but necessary. This will help me relax. I like things cleaned. Remember the note to my roommates? Well, it has gone unnoticed! Yay! I just love my family so much, that I continue to let them get away with their behavior.

I received so many well wishes, that it lifts my spirits, especially when I’m experiencing a major flare-up. I thank you all for this. For the people who suffer from chronic pain, my heart is with all of you, too! I’d like to thank all for the encouragement and information supplied to me.

So, I’m going to celebrate with what? Need you ask? A music video! What joy! Here is a very nice video by The Red Hot Chili Peppers : Snow (Hey Oh)!

What It Means To Me

My site here at WordPress, is my personal therapist. I have shared things, without hesitation, because I feel freedom!  An ability to say how I feel, share my heart, and mostly, seeing how many beautiful people this world holds.

WordPress Logo

WordPress Logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My site is called backwards222, because I get very unorganized. My mind rarely shuts off, so random thoughts just keep popping up. So it is really a mixture of all my thoughts as they randomly appear. So I consider my site backwards.

I receive many warm thoughts, laughter, caring and sharing, for opening my heart, and letting it all go. You can never have too much love in your life. Even suffering pain will not keep me from my happy place, WordPress. When people say they wish they could somehow help me, I think to myself, they are, just because they care.

I may have limitations physically, but my heart and faith, keeps me moving along the best I can. My friends, and I do mean friends, even if we never actually met physically, keep my soul afire. I thank you all.

I have a video of Journey performing live, Wheel In The Sky, it’s a lovely piece, so I hope you watch and enjoy this. And once again, thank you, my dear friends!

2 p.m.

Up till 7a.m.. Slept and now I’m here to share a video I admire! I remember when this video first came out. It’ll always be classic to me! Please enjoy Run DMC FT. Areosmith in : Walk this way

 

Progress

Since weaning off some powerful medications, my painhas returned with a vengeance. I can’t even spell right now. Used to be one of my best subjects, again, used to be. I’ve been having bad nights and days filled with more than overwhelming pain. I refuse to take the narcotics I was prescribed, I weaned myself off of them.

Regions of the cerebral cortex associated with...

Regions of the cerebral cortex associated with pain. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I suffer from severe Fibromyalgia and Chronic pain syndrome. I could go through a whole list of my ailments, however, these two are the ones that keep me down. I am going to seek a new doctor to delve further into my pain. I hate seeing the commercials for Lyrica, which I take, but the people in the commercial must have a mild case? I don’t know. I take the allowed dosage of Lyrica, and still am suffering from unmanageable pain.

You might be wondering why I chose to wean off the narcotics. Firstly, they helped, and then I would need a higher dosage. Secondly, I have Chronic Kidney disease, and even taking Ibuprofen is bad for the kidneys. Also I am insulin dependent Diabetic II. My blood sugars are completely under control. A plus for the kidneys. Many people become addicted to pain killers, and end up hurting their bodies. No thanks. That’s why I chose to quit them. I’m afraid to quit the Lyrica, because my pain is already too much, I can’t imagine it getting even worse!

All my life I worked my body to the bone. No pain no gain. Then my syndrome hit me like a ton of bricks! When this happened, I hadn’t any medical insurance, so I was just kind of swept under the rugs by doctors because I couldn’t afford extensive services.

Having medical insurance later, I was diagnosed. I was so sick of seeing this specialist and that specialist. It took most of my time to complete the doctors requests, whilst still suffering in pain. I had two broken ribs, not cracked, but broke and separated. I suffered until one kind emergency room doctor did not care that I hadn’t any insurance, and ordered an MRI. That is how it came to light that for eight months I continued working in horrible pain, to find out my ribs were broken. I had to resign from my job as a nursing assistant because I became a liability at work.

All vacation time I earned at work was used up, not to enjoy myself, but to try to nurse myself back to health. My husband lost his job due to me not wanting to be left alone. I was having panic attacks, and was so afraid I was going to die. We went from middle class to the poverty level in no time. I couldn’t even tolerate a minimum wage job as a cashier, too much pain and sickness. That’s when I sought out an attorney and filed for disability, and was granted that small budget. I’m not complaining, but budgeting the money has to be very precise to live on.

I feel as if I am back to square one now. Dealing with this brings on my depression. That too I have dealt with all my life. My daughter gave birth to my grandchild on Easter, and here I am, stuck with pain in bed. I even hesitate to make a doctor’s appointment, for the thought of actually having to tolerate the pain of the trip and the wait in the office. I’m just so sick of it.

I also will not have a cortisone shot in my spinal fluid! I had a spinal tap with my first child, and an epidural with my second, and often wonder if that’s one reason my back aches in certain places. With both children, I had complications. The first from the spinal tap, the second was an emergency c-section, where they left a sponge in me. As a result, I am unable to bear children anymore. I wasn’t planning on having more, but still, it hurts when it’s taken away from you.

I could go on and on, but I wanted to let my followers know what is up with me! My parents are ready to move to my state, just so they may care for me! Yes, I want my Mommy! She’d take control of these doctors and probably wring their necks! So if you are not seeing me here as much, it is because I am ill. I love you all! You’ve been so inspirational and funny and fun! I will be back, just not as frequently right now.

Gallery

My Angel

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My beautiful little angel, Elliana Kay Anderson! A job well done by my Beautiful daughter, Danielle, and cherished, son-in-law, Allan! Related articles Sunday, A is for Angel… (todayithink.wordpress.com)

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No Excuses

Medical marijuana usa

Medical marijuana usa (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I make no excuses on how I feel about many things in life. Love, relationships, opinions. I keep absolutely no skeletons in my closet, especially with family. Mom, dad, brothers, kids, and husband. I might have one secret, but it’s just mine. Affects no one but me. I reveal my truths here. How I feel about censorship, legalizing of medical marijuana, my health, my progress, I don’t hide this from society.

You might not agree with what my feelings are, but what’s great about that is, you’re entitled to your feelings. That’s how I feel. I am entitled to feel the way I do. I’ve hit milestones in my life that allow me to express myself. So important to be able to express your feelings. Sometimes, my husband cuts me off in mid sentence! He doesn’t realize how much that angers me. He’s not allowing me to express myself. He’s heard it a million times. That is what he will tell you.

I sit back and wonder if my husband has heard it a million times, why hasn’t he expressed a concern for my feelings? Is it that we have been together for almost 20 years, and he still sees me as being 27 years old? The woman he fell in love with. Is it because I’m a mother first and a lover second? Regardless of our issues, we still somehow stick together. And agrees with most of my feelings on the topics of politics.

Accept. He’s a man of few words. I’m a talker. Go figure, opposites attract, right? I also know that he truly does love me. I don’t ever question that. He can be the best of friends. I like that. I can tell him anything that would be embarassing, and not flinch. I need more help though.

I know he is not a spring chicken, but my Chronic Pain Syndrome engulfs me sometimes. It is only when it brings me to tears that he springs into some action, to help with daily chores. Why do I have to be in tears? Why isn’t it just cooperation and a commitment to it?

Enough of the sappy stuff. I’ve already proved my independence, and that’s all I need. I call my own shots now. With all. I am a very kind soul, though. I have compassion and understanding. Very important for a person to learn these valuable traits.

I’m sorry to my followers if I have not stopped by. The birth of my grandchild, and my flare-ups leave me rather weak. I will bounce back though. That’s my job, I’m a mom.

Hope you all have enjoyed a wonderful weekend! Much love to all of you!

My Easter Grandchild!

Okay folks, please meet my first grandchild, born yesterday, on Easter Sunday! I’m so happy to introduce Elliana Kay!

I’m so in love!

chaostheory

Ramblings…..

I’m sitting here at the laptop, just kinda letting my mind wander. All I keep thinking is Now What? It is 1:00 in the afternoon here in Nowhere, Minnesota. It’s gloomy out, and a bit chilly. I have my television on, and I don’t know why. Saturday television sucks. Actually, all television has not been an interest to me lately. Time to put the music on….this will take a few minutes, for I have to choose exactly what CD I want to listen to. Okay, I chose The White Stripes : Icky Thump.

Okay, starting the CD over, I need to turn it up, I don’t care if everybody is still asleep. Too bad! They can thank me for putting on great music! Right? Are you with me? My blood is starting to circulate now with the music and coffee! Thinking of all the chores I have to get done!

Oh, oldest daughter came to visit with her laptop! Ha-ha, I let her use my internet! She’s almost ready to deliver, so everyone wants to know what’s up. I get my news firsthand, usually! Now, the little sister is up. Her big sister should feel so privileged, only for her does her little sister wake up. I woke her at 10:00 a.m.

I am so frustrated right now. Everybody always wants something from me, and forget all the things I’m going through. I’m not trying to be selfish, but they need a reminder that I can’t provide everything in the world to them, at this time, or ever. What about me? Oh, who cares anyway? I’m not! I’m only caring about my grandchild being born, safe and healthy!

Enough of my ramblings for now. I had enough time to get this out of me! Please enjoy this video from the White Stripes : Icky Thump, the whole CD is awesome!

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Me,Myself & I

Me, Myself & I

Me,Myself & I

At this time, I actually feel pretty good. I’ve been up for a couple of hours, and actually been feeling quite awake! Amazing, right? Last night, well, I was pretty depressed.
I miss my parents incredibly! They live a couple states over. I only get to see them occasionally. I do not have the expenses to see my family. My parents have supported me, unarguably, well maybe a couple of disagreements! They love me unconditionally and care a great deal about my health.
Usually, I’ve been avoiding the phone, because I’m kind of focused on trying to better myself. Yesterday night, I had to call. Revealed to my parents what I was up to, and how my body and emotions were doing. Eventually I broke down into tears, because I miss them so much. I’m going to be 45 and still need my parents emotional care. I’m their baby, youngest of four. I was the surprise gift from God. Well, also my brother’s are twins, so that was a surprise when she gave birth!
Talking with my parents, really helped me cry it out. The one’s I can always cry to, and receive, warm compassion. I felt a little funny last night, when my teenager was watching me cry, because I just want my mom and dad. Responding to me sweet as ever, she looked at me and said, “You’re not a cry baby because you want your mom and dad.” And my husband was very understanding, also.
So today, emotionally, I feel a little lighter. Physically…..well let’s see how the day progresses.
At this time, I actually feel pretty good. I’ve been up for a couple of hours, and actually been feeling quite awake! Amazing, right? Last night, well, I was pretty depressed.
I miss my parents incredibly! They live a couple states over. I only get to see them occasionally. I do not have the expenses to see my family. My parents have supported me, unarguably, well maybe a couple disagreements! They love me unconditionally and care a great deal about my health.
Usually, I’ve been avoiding the phone, because I’m kind of focused on trying to better myself. Yesterday night, I had to call. Revealed to my parents what I was up to, and how my body and emotions were doing. Eventually I broke down into tears, because I miss them so much. I’m going to be 45 and still need my parents emotional care. I’m their baby, youngest of four. I was the surprise gift from God. Well, also my brother’s are twins, so that was a surprise when she gave birth!
Talking with my parents, really helped me cry it out. The one’s I can always cry to, and receive, warm compassion. I felt a little funny last night, when my teenager was watching me cry, because I just want my mom and dad. Responding to me sweet as ever, she looked at me and said, “You’re not a cry baby because you want your mom and dad.” And my husband was very understanding, also.
So today, emotionally, I feel a little lighter. Physically…..well let’s see how the day progresses…………..

Sick and Tired

Where is this sickness coming from?

It makes me sad and takes away all my fun!

I want to run with the wind and sun on my face,

I want to get out of cars with much more grace!

Way to many pills, it’s just like a poison veil,

My organs inside attacked, will slowly rot and fail!

What I have to say, some will disagree.I'm Sick

Give me some pot and take my pills, and set my body free!

Let me have this break Minnesota, before i exscape to Montana,

It’s silly to think I may take worse drugs, for what? There is no nirvana!

A person I know has also said, the pills I take will kill me dead.

There is no doubt I want to be free, and will not fail,

But I’m afraid my minds decision could land me in jail.

So what do I do? I have too much pain, to do without one or the other.

If I choose what I want, someone could blow my cover.

So I sit here, slowly poisoning my body with pills that make politicians money.Medicinal Help

Let me have my rights and free will,

And dammit politicians PASS THAT BILL!