I’m Feeling Pink

I’ve been in such positive spirits! I’m feeling very Pink! So for you pleasure, Here is Aerosmith : Pink. And it is my favorite color!

 

Trouble

I have been having much trouble trying to keep up with blogs and posting. My site here keeps giving me problems. I am not very computer literate, and learn by trial and error. This obviously makes for very frustrated moments. All very time consuming, winding up leaving me worse than before. Then I just shut down the computer, at a loss of what to do next.

I claim to be backwards, because I am. In case anyone has been wondering. I even have a hard time clicking the like button on another bloggers page. Don’t think I am not reading, I do, but my account will not let me complete the tasks I want. Hopefully, I will get this fixed!

Wishlist

I’m on a pearl Jam kick right now, probably because, I think my daughter still has my CDs! This is another beautifully written song. Sit back and enjoy, it’s very peaceful! Good Night All!

 

Down

Yesterday’s post got me thinking. Is the honesty I’m sharing too much? Should there be things I just keep to myself? Could this be an embarrassment to my family? Is the eye in the sky,(government), keeping tabs on what I write? Who is assessing my information? Do I care?

Yes, I do care. If I am one thing, it’s honest. I’m very bad at lying. I feel it’s written all over my face, that’s one reason I don’t lie. Even though you can’t see my face as I type on this laptop, it’s not in my heart to lie. You were right Terry, it was a very emotional post. Things I did, that I’m not to proud of, but made me into a better person. Taught me compassion, truth, and how to proceed with life, even though there is a new lesson everyday.

Today I am just feeling really down, and trying to re-group myself. My family does not know about my page, and they all refuse Facebook, because they want to remain private. I don’t understand why I am so open to share. Frankly, I’m starting to question if I should be so open with the public. Skeleton’s in my closet? I want to rid them. I don’t allow them to haunt me, at least I try not to. So, by writing about them, they disappear. Well kind of. They are just released.

There are many that will pass judgement on me, I know. I don’t believe I have the right to judge anyone, that’s not my job here on earth. Now, I’m in this funk, wondering if I share too much…….

Please enjoy this tune by Van Halen with David Lee Roth in Me Wise Magic:

My Past

I try not to go back to the past often, but some people don’t realize what type of trap I had gotten myself into. He was my very first ‘real’ relationship. He was a bad boy, but at the time, I didn’t know how bad. I was in love. My parents did not approve, so when I tuned 18, I took off. You know, hey I’m a big girl, you can’t tell me what to do anymore.

As time passed, I was slowly being manipulated and corrupted. I was very naive, despite what others may have thought. I fell hook, line, and sinker into toxicity. Living in my car, abandoned sheds, closets of friends and even sometimes freezing in a stairwell with below freezing temperatures.

My parents were so disgusted with my actions. I was in a horrible situation, and I thought it was love. It was love on my part, but I don’t believe my partner knew what true love was. I was mentally abused, and a couple of times hit. Anyone who knows me, knows I’m a fighter, normally I would not allow myself to be abused, but I was under his corrupt spell.

Drug use was hidden from me. He always said he wouldn’t stick a needle in his arm, but eventually he did. I didn’t know the first thing about these types of drugs, and refused to even think about trying them. I watched him fall, and he took me with him. I was pregnant with his baby, and his corruption landed me on the other side of the law.

No one came to save me as I sat in a county jail for a month. I had made my bed, and now i had to lie in it. It was horrible, although the jail was like a hotel. If I had been placed in Cook counties jail, in Chicago, I’m most certain I would have been chewed up and spit out. Instead I was in the County Jail in a richer county. Not too many women there. A lot from Cook county, who chose to commit crimes in our jurisdiction. I was very scared, but had to play it cool.

I really wasn’t the one the prosecutors were after. They were after my lover. Call me a rat, but I sang like a bird to give them everything they needed for a conviction. After all it was him who got me to where I was. He got convicted and I got released. I had nowhere to go, and I was pregnant.

My parents took mercy upon me, and their future grandchild, and let me back home to have my baby, and re-start my life. The greatest gift my parents allowed me to cherish. Many of my so-called friends chose my boyfriend over me, and took the same path as him. This did upset me, but when I look back now, they all became junkies. I did not, and had learned a very good lesson about breaking the law.

My daughter never was able to meet her father. I was so filled with anger, that although she had his last name, she was mine. I knew he was still a junkie through gossip, and at one point he was on his deathbed and I received a call letting me know. Unfortunately at the time, my reaction was “call me when the death certificate is signed.” Doesn’t seem very Christian, but I was still filled with hate. He recovered, but later died from an overdose. He also had brain damage from his first incident of facing the Grimm Reaper.

Sometimes I’m sad that my daughter doesn’t even have a picture. I had burned everything of him at 19 with my anger. I had a new relationship, and I didn’t want to look back. I’ve never used a needle but my boyfriend did, and his life was destroyed. I’ve included a song By Megadeth called use the man. I’ve seen this, although at the time I didn’t realize what was going on. There is no bad words, but some real honesty in this song. Please listen.

red X

Let Me Introduce You

Let me introduce you to an amazing band from Florida! They are called : Red X ! I’ve heard some amazing MP3′s of their dedicated talent! Clean, exciting, and blessed with extreme musical talent. Writing, singing, and instrumental, is the greatest delight to my ears! They are dedicated musicians, who have been entertaining many! I want them to entertain the whole world.

Please go check out their site by clicking on the photo, or link below. You won’t be disappointed! You can also check out their Facebook page :https://www.facebook.com/REDXBAND

red X

Red X Band

Good Day

I am happy to say, with a couple of days of resting, my flare-up has had mercy upon me. This is like a dog who chases their tale. I will be up and active, until the next flare-up begins, from activity. Days like today, I can enjoy! I have a lot to do though. Chores! Nothing to fun, but necessary. This will help me relax. I like things cleaned. Remember the note to my roommates? Well, it has gone unnoticed! Yay! I just love my family so much, that I continue to let them get away with their behavior.

I received so many well wishes, that it lifts my spirits, especially when I’m experiencing a major flare-up. I thank you all for this. For the people who suffer from chronic pain, my heart is with all of you, too! I’d like to thank all for the encouragement and information supplied to me.

So, I’m going to celebrate with what? Need you ask? A music video! What joy! Here is a very nice video by The Red Hot Chili Peppers : Snow (Hey Oh)!

What It Means To Me

My site here at WordPress, is my personal therapist. I have shared things, without hesitation, because I feel freedom!  An ability to say how I feel, share my heart, and mostly, seeing how many beautiful people this world holds.

WordPress Logo

WordPress Logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My site is called backwards222, because I get very unorganized. My mind rarely shuts off, so random thoughts just keep popping up. So it is really a mixture of all my thoughts as they randomly appear. So I consider my site backwards.

I receive many warm thoughts, laughter, caring and sharing, for opening my heart, and letting it all go. You can never have too much love in your life. Even suffering pain will not keep me from my happy place, WordPress. When people say they wish they could somehow help me, I think to myself, they are, just because they care.

I may have limitations physically, but my heart and faith, keeps me moving along the best I can. My friends, and I do mean friends, even if we never actually met physically, keep my soul afire. I thank you all.

I have a video of Journey performing live, Wheel In The Sky, it’s a lovely piece, so I hope you watch and enjoy this. And once again, thank you, my dear friends!