Down

Yesterday’s post got me thinking. Is the honesty I’m sharing too much? Should there be things I just keep to myself? Could this be an embarrassment to my family? Is the eye in the sky,(government), keeping tabs on what I write? Who is assessing my information? Do I care?

Yes, I do care. If I am one thing, it’s honest. I’m very bad at lying. I feel it’s written all over my face, that’s one reason I don’t lie. Even though you can’t see my face as I type on this laptop, it’s not in my heart to lie. You were right Terry, it was a very emotional post. Things I did, that I’m not to proud of, but made me into a better person. Taught me compassion, truth, and how to proceed with life, even though there is a new lesson everyday.

Today I am just feeling really down, and trying to re-group myself. My family does not know about my page, and they all refuse Facebook, because they want to remain private. I don’t understand why I am so open to share. Frankly, I’m starting to question if I should be so open with the public. Skeleton’s in my closet? I want to rid them. I don’t allow them to haunt me, at least I try not to. So, by writing about them, they disappear. Well kind of. They are just released.

There are many that will pass judgement on me, I know. I don’t believe I have the right to judge anyone, that’s not my job here on earth. Now, I’m in this funk, wondering if I share too much…….

Please enjoy this tune by Van Halen with David Lee Roth in Me Wise Magic:

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Conflicting Thoughts

A penny for your thoughts...Dollars for your t...

A penny for your thoughts...Dollars for your thoughts - NARA - 513735 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  • I seem to have this problem. I can look at the pro’s and con’s of everything. Thus leaving me with conflicting thoughts. Thoughts such as : I’m doing this, when I should be doing that.
  • The dishes aren’t going to magically be cleaned by your family.Get it done!
  • Oh, you’re always hurting, shut up, already! Bite the bullet, and get on with it.
  • Family ” You want us to do WHAT?” You know your going to do it yourself.

These things run through my head quite a bit. It exhausts me, especially during a flare up, that can last weeks. However, it’s taking weeks, because I’m unable to recover myself. It’s fine tuned in my head, that these are my duties. Duties I vowed to uphold when I became a mother and a wife.

I didn’t plan on receiving my syndrome at such a young age. I feel that 36 is much too young to start feeling 80. I hauled butt all my life. Abuse my body, I did. I often wonder if my eating disorder, had made me sick.

Am I the only one who feels this way?

ENOUGH

Enough already! My cat Scout is being a starved, craving attention, please play with me cat! My other cat is under the weather. Johnny, well he’s like Scout’s older brother.

My Big Boy Johnny

 

 

 

 

 

He was older when Scout was born. All the other older cats at the farmhouse, were mean to him. Not Johnny, he took baby Scout under his wing! Taught him everything to know about being a tougher cat. Johnny was tough, yet gentle, with Scout. He still is. Scout is his shadow.

Johnny, being not so playful lately, has left Scout with nothing to do, but get in trouble. Scout really has the cutest personality and loyalty.MY BABY BOY, SCOUT But lately with no one to play and sleep with, Scout has been being naughty. Its as if he has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. My nightstand is his very own personal space. He has a slim walkway. He makes his way past my belongings, and heads straight to my fan. This is where he sticks his head up to the blowing air for a few seconds, he then lies down. I’ve crowded his space. To make sure I know this, he’s knocking all my stuff to the floor, ON PURPOSE!

Enough Already……………..

Anorexia

I suffered with an eating disorder for 13 yrs.. This, before the picture I’m gonna post ,that I found on FB page ‘LOL cats and funny pictures of cats’ “Can I has a cheezeburger”.

It is very sad to me that the epidemic of eating disorders is becoming worse. Since I had my own disorder, it’s easily for me to pick up if someone else is suffering. Because of my sickness, I’ve gained so much weight, I am Fat, but beautiful. Please teach the women, young and old, of how beautiful they are.

Anorexia