I’ve mentioned before I have a passion for writing. My biggest goal was to write a novel. I started that novel, pen and paper, and lots of thoughts. Then I found WordPress, and thought ‘here’s my medium’. But I’ve been holding back. First I decide to start putting excerpts as part of my Blog, then I think ‘maybe not’. Flip-floppin is what my thoughts are doing.
Why am I flip-floppin, you might ask? Fear. That’s the only thing holding me back. Finishing my book would be one of my very own achievements, say, one checked off my ‘Bucket-List‘. Now I could achieve this, and keep it private, but it’s not a personal journal, it’s a pure fiction story. I want to share it. My fear is holding me back.
The fear is that others may not like it. Why should I care? I just do, it’s in my nature. My Husband is always saying, “Who cares what anybody else thinks, they can think what they want.” But I care. I care about what other people think. I’m extremely sensitive, and I have to learn to be strong when it is appropriate to do so. Not everybody is going to be interested in what I write, I know that, but I’m afraid of those people.
The fear exists in my head, and I’m doing battle with it. There are some heavy hitters out there. There is also those people who take joy in bringing others down. There’s constructive criticism, and there’s scolding. Unsympathetic comments, and just plain mean comments. No one wants to feel as if they wasted someones time, or demeaned. So I grapple everyday with which path I should take.
Not everything is going to be pleasant. Am I ready for the war in my head? I think I am, but I fear it.