Disturbed

I have a video post of Disturbed : Stupify, from the album The Sickness.

This video makes me think of a lot of things. Poverty, politics, the economy and the way people overspend and the greedy. What do you think about, watching this video? Don’t be shy, leave a comment! 🙂

Related articles

• ‘Disturbing’ YouTube video shows Kamloops students fighting (calgaryherald.com)
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• “Delusions as Forensically Disturbing Perceptual Inferences” (kolber.typepad.com)

A Video To My Post: Silly Thoughts & Medication

Korn: Make me bad

Too Close For Comfort

I have Diabetes type II. Last night was pretty scary, now that I got a chance to think about it today. I must have over bolused myself. That is when you give yourself insulin, based on the amount of carbs you’re ingesting. I had went to sleep, and awoke to use the bathroom. I was extremely tired and unsteady. I felt clammy, and was going to turn on my other fan, I have two, one is always on. One condition I have is just always being overheated. Summer sucks sometimes, especially when the dew point is tropical!

I was so weak, I didn’t walk to the other fan, I went to my bed, and immediately grabbed my blood glucose meter. The number that came up was 50. That is a dangerously low number, one that will lead to seizures and unconsciousness. Also, glucose feeds your brain, so when your numbers are that low, you can’t think. I’m surprised I was even able to check my blood level.

I yelled to my husband. When you’re like this, it is hard to even have the energy to muster up to yell. He came to my room, and all I said is ‘My blood sugar is 50.’ I always have candy in my drawer, and he grabbed a valentines day box of chocolates I had not opened. He opened it, and held it there as I started eating chocolates. He told me to start with 3, I ate six, and kept falling asleep I thought. I was actually going in and out of consciousness.

When you are in a position of hyperglycemia, or low blood glucose, when you get sugar, you go to town. A nonstop ravenous rage. I wasn’t in a rage, because I could barely sit up, but when my husband asked how many candies I ate, I had eaten all but one. That’s not good either, because too high blood glucose can put you in a coma. All I knew is that I had enough sugar and I would not die. You really should go to the hospital, but I hate hospitals! I turned over, and went to sleep. My body was so drained. My husband knew I was okay, because he stated that I was snoring so loud, he knew I was just crashed.

This morning I woke up fine and took my blood glucose. It was 151, which is a little high, but I was shocked it wasn’t higher from eating a whole box of chocolate. Yeah, I ate that last piece in the middle of the night, when I awoke again to relieve myself. Just thinking this morning was really scary to me. What if I didn’t wake up to use the bathroom? Would anybody have known I was in seizures? Would I be alive right now to write this blog?

Live everyday like a precious gift. God wasn’t ready for me yet! I thank him! But you just never know what lies ahead. Enjoy what you can everyday, you might not be here tomorrow!

I’ve Forgiven

Many things in my life have happened, that filled me with rage. I carried this rage along with me everywhere I went. I didn’t show it, but I felt it! Irritation, impatience, judging, insecure, vulnerable, weak. Weak? Yes, even if you’re filled with rage, it is just a sign of your weakness.

I’ve had a few moments I’m not proud of. Actually, they left me feeling very embarrassed. You can’t turn back time. I felt justified, I just didn’t feel I handled certain situations in a correct manner. I always felt guarded and under attack. My reaction? Be prepared to fight back.

Now, I don’t know what happened. I grew older, wiser, had children to set a better example for? I don’t know, but my attitude completely changed, and I didn’t have such outbursts. Occasionally, I would have marital outbursts, when I believed I wasn’t being heard by my spouse. Those did absolutely no good at all. I just seemed like a guard dog.

I’ve always have been a Christian. I prayed occasionally, and I knew that Jesus Christ was my Savior. But what I was missing, was a relationship with Christ. My relationship started when I was becoming very sick (physically), and emotionally. Life was getting unbearable, and I could no longer fight back. I physically felt like a piece of paper that someone crumpled up and threw in a wastebasket. Seriously, the crumpled paper was a great representation, of how my body felt.

Jesus was always there. I prayed for mercy, and forgiveness, and worked daily to repent. I also had to REALLY forgive some people, that did some really horrible things. I knew I couldn’t fake forgiveness, the Lord would know. So I dug down deep in my soul, and truly forgave all that I felt hurt me really bad.

After that step, I really felt that my prayers could be heard. I am a living testament to the power of the Lord to answer prayers. Now, My body isn’t better, but I have learned to tolerate and enjoy the things that I do have. My cup is never half empty, but always half full! I do not judge, it is not my place. I have opinions, but no true judgement. Just forgiving and not judging, have lifted such a huge weight on my shoulder’s.

I’m at peace. When I’m not, I pray, and get my peace back. I have to give my Daughter Danielle, and her Husband, my Son-in-Law, credit for giving me great guidance! And compassion, understanding, and very much LOVE. I thank you two. I know I keep saying it, But I’m so proud of where you are in life Danielle. I know I helped get you there, but then encouraged me to find peace.

May God bless you all!